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A new Californication episode on TV is always reason for the family to gather. We don’t always get to watch it aired live, but we have the magnificent gift of DVR, which eliminated the two major impediments to TV watching in our home: commercials, which are aimed at the lowest level of intelligence on the planet, and time schedules, as it records the series you like and allows you to watch at your convenience (and pause it when children walk into the room talking).

Before digital video recording, my family never watched TV. People would come to visit and stay with us, and they would comment that we never turn it on. We couldn’t handle the insulting commercials.

But now TV viewing is almost a nightly ritual in Joetopia. By nine p.m., everyone is starting to wind up homework, projects, work, so that we can gather for one hour and be entertained as a group. We check our list and look for new episodes of Californication, Weeds, and Entourage (all first place favorites) and then, if there are no new episodes of those programs, we will watch Big Love or That 70’s Show.

‘Big Love’ is a family of Mormons trying to make it ‘off the compound’ — that one is the least favorite of the Joetopian men, as there is hardly any sex in that program – and even fewer allusions to sex, and no lesbians. “You’d think a man with three wives would once in a while have the idea to have group sex, or watch two of them do it together, wouldn’t you?” asked my nephew in disgust after watching for about ten minutes one night. “You would think.” I said, not wanting to miss the dialogue spilling off the screen before me.

‘That 70’s Show’ is a staple (because we can fast forward through the commercials that make up 2/3 of the programming time). I commented once that I get a big kick out of Jackie’s wardrobe, because I dressed just like her back in high school. I am impressed with the authenticity. (Some things they get very wrong – like the constant chatter about Six Flags, when Six Flags didn’t sprout up in Wisconsin until well into the 1980’s.) But the clothes, the hair styles, those things the sitcom creator’s have nailed.

“Mom”, asked Adam, pausing the program. “Did you ever wear those?” He points to Donna in her blue-jean bib overalls. “Yes, honey, we all did.”

“That’s gross.” He said.

“I know hon.”

Last night, we watched Californication and Adam paused the program at one point and said “Sorry everyone, but I have a question.” We all nodded, the program was paused and wasn’t going away.

“Why is everyone giving him so much shit for sleeping with that woman? The woman wanted to sleep with him. They are both free and single. His ex is being so mean to him and she threw him out. She doesn’t want him anymore but she doesn’t want anyone else to have him. Is this normal?”

“It’s Hollywood, Adam,” explained my Brusband. “And anyway, I don’t buy any of this. If Hank loves her, and he can’t have her, then he wouldn’t be acting so sweet and intimate with her all the time. Sorry, I don’t buy that.”

Adam started the program again. The thirteen year old daughter of Hank gave her father a long tearful lecture about getting his shit together. The daughter actually threatened her father with expulsion from her life because he unknowingly slept with her boyfriend’s mother.

None of this escaped Adam’s attention, Adam who is fourteen years old and unsure of where he stands on the subject of his mother dating.

He paused the program again. “So, how was this supposed to play out?” he asked. “I mean, what if Hank and his daughter’s boyfriend’s mother wanted to date and have sex? Are they supposed to clear it with the kids first?”

My Brusband and I and my two older nephews all at once said “No.”

Someone said “Jinx.”

Joe replied “Stifle it. Start the movie.”

There was no further discussion, but it left me wondering . . . wondering if Hollywood will ever tire of emasculating the alpha male, wonder if America will ever stop making sex between two consulting adults sinful, and wonder if the baby boomers have handed over the morality-keeping reigns to our children.

Part 1, Californication

Part 2, Moving to Joetopia

Part 3, The Caretaking and Maintenance of Joetopia:  No Points for Foot Rubs

Part 4, The Sanctity of Size

Part 5, Stripper Poles and Lap-Dance Gazebos